


The sort of Love you die for

by yoonmims



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s08e19 Taxi Driver, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, POV: Benny Lafitte, Unrequited Love, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 15:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2586665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonmims/pseuds/yoonmims
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"As his face was pressed against Dean’s neck, he inhaled the smell of leather and coriander, feeling the blood pumping beneath the freckled skin. He so badly wanted to turn Dean, to be with him forever. Or even just to kiss him, to let Dean know how he felt. But he wasn't brave enough. He wasn't brave enough to tell his hunter he was in love with him, even if it was the last chance he would ever get."</p><p>Episode 08.19 'Taxi Driver' from Benny's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	The sort of Love you die for

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first post on AO3. It's my take on Benny's thoughts and feelings in 08.19 'Taxi Driver'. Please enjoy, and please do leave a comment. It would be great to get feedback on things to improve for next time or which bits you liked. (Please also be aware that this IS a Dean/Benny fic although nothing happens, so if you don't ship, don't read. No hate please.)  
> NOTE: IT IS ONLY MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH BECAUSE BENNY GETS KILLED BY DEAN AND THEN IS BEING KILLED BY THE VAMPIRES IN PURGATORY

When Benny first got the call, he was sat in his truck, fishing a blood bag out of the cooler next to him. He let the phone ring for a few seconds, a shrill, piercing noise that assaulted his ears, before checking caller ID.

_Dean Winchester calling…_

Benny had snatched it up and pressed the answer button, holding the cell phone to his ear. “Dean?” He’d said softly, almost disbelievingly. “Is that really you?” He’d thought Dean wanted nothing to do with him anymore, that he was out hunting Benny’s brothers and sisters with his own brother.

“Yeah,” Dean’s gruff voice had echoed down the line. “Hey it’s me. And I know. I know man. It’s been a really long time. I wanted to call. I did. I just, uh… I thought it would be better if I didn't.” Benny had wanted to yell at him, to scream down the phone at him until his throat was hoarse. Well then, why didn't you? But he didn't, because Benny knew why: Sam Winchester, Dean’s younger brother. From what he understood, Sam didn't want Dean seeing him any more, and there was nothing in the world that Dean loved more than Sam. But there was also nothing in the universe that Benny loved more than Dean.

So, he hadn't yelled at Dean, he’d just smiled to himself. “So good to hear your voice, Dean. I mean that.” And he did. Every night, when he’d sat in the soft leather front seat of the truck, or lain on the cold bonnet staring up at the stars, he’d heard Dean’s voice in his head, laughing at some joke Benny’d made, or telling him a story about when Sam was younger. Sometimes, if he’d really imagined hard enough, he could almost feel Dean next to him, the heat of his body pressed against Benny’s, side by side.

“How you been?” Dean had asked, and Benny had lied. Heartfelt confessions weren't meant over the phone. They were for in person, sat next to each other in the front seat of Dean’s beloved Impala, or his truck.

 _I fed on someone, Dean. I fed on an innocent person. I’m a monster, Dean. I can’t do this anymore._ “Oh, you know… I get by,” he had lied nonchalantly.

Even with miles of road between them, Benny had heard the precise moment Dean’s voice cracked, a sliver of self-hatred slipping into his tone. “I really let you down, huh?” And Benny hadn't even been able to deny it, because he had. Dean – and Sam too, since it was partly his fault – had ripped his heart out of his chest and smashed it into tiny pieces, and then driven off into the sunset, leaving poor old Benny all alone to pick up the pieces.

“Look, I’m, uh…” he’d begun awkwardly, not knowing how to say it. To give his hands something to do he ripped open part of the blood bag. “I’m just happy as hell to hear from you,” he’d admitted gruffly, ignoring Dean’s question. Slowly, he’d sipped from the bag, hating the way his body reacted to and craved the substance before him. Sam had been right, he was a monster.

“You might change your mind about that,” Dean had warned him and Benny’d felt himself go cold.

“Why? What do you mean by that?”

“Benny, I got to ask you a favor. It’s a big one.”

***

And that was how Benny found himself in a nondescript alleyway in the middle of a crowded city, with Dean Winchester stood in front of him explaining the predicament him and his brother had managed to get themselves in to. And boy, was it a predicament.

“If you want nothing to do with this, I completely understand.” Dean said, his eyes pained. He was stood in front of Benny, his trusted Impala parked behind him. Benny’s vampire instincts tingled at the mere thought of all the weapons in the boot of that sleek machine that could kill him.

“Wow.” He was quite surprised really. He’d known right from the get-go that Dean had needed his help, but he hadn't expected this. “When Dean Winchester asks for a favor, he’s not screwing around.”

A flicker of regret and pain crossed Dean’s face. “Benny, sending you back there is the last thing I wanted to do.” And Benny believed him, of course. Dean had worked his ass off to get Benny home safe, why would he want to send him back?

“I know, I know,” Benny said, placating.

“But my little brother is stuck down there…” Dean continued.

“This would be the little brother who wants to kill me, right?” he’d interrupted, half-joking. He had no problem helping out Dean, but he and Sam Winchester didn't have the best of relationships.

“You got access to the place,” Dean pleaded, and Benny knew it was serious when Dean Winchester was practically begging you to help.

“And by ‘access’,” Benny drawled, “you mean ‘getting beheaded’?”

Watching Dean’s expression, Benny could see the exact moment the hunter gave up. The way his face fell, and his green eyes becoming sad and desolate. “Yeah you’re right,” Dean replied, his voice shaking. He sounded hollow and empty, as if his entire reason to live was gone. “It’s too much. It’s not like I've exactly been there for you lately.” Benny knew that Dean was right, what he was asking was out of line and Benny shouldn't even be considering helping him, but they say that love makes you do stupid things, because Benny suddenly heard himself exclaiming,

“What? Oh, come on, Dean. You know I love a challenge.”

“You’re serious?” Dean was incredulous.

“Hey, He’s your brother. I say let’s do this.” And it was worth it, seeing the happiness and relief flooding Dean’s face.

Benny felt something akin to pity stirring in his chest when Dean told him that they’d sort everything out when he got back out of purgatory - when he hitched a ride in Sam’s body - because he wasn't coming back. He didn't belong here, in this day and age. The only place he belonged was Purgatory, and the only place he wanted to be was in Dean’s arms.

So he nodded along, he lied to Dean’s face. Because Dean was relying on him, and if he told him the truth, then Dean would never let him go. And he did need to go, because hanging around would only hurt them both. Benny knew Dean loved him, deep down, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. His hunter could never give him back half the amount of love he had for him.

He watched with a mixture of trepidation and fear as Dean reached into the Impala and removed a machete, sliding off its casing to reveal its cold, smooth curves and a deadly point.

Benny felt his lips turn up slightly as Dean offered up the hand not gripping the machete. At least he got this, if nothing else. He clasped Dean’s calloused hand in his own, and pulled his hunter into a tight hug. As his face was pressed against Dean’s neck, he inhaled the smell of leather and coriander, feeling the blood pumping beneath the freckled skin. He so badly wanted to turn Dean, to be with him forever. Or even just to kiss him, feel those soft lips on his own, to let Dean know how he felt. But he wasn't brave enough. He wasn't brave enough to tell his hunter he was in love with him, even if it was the last chance he would ever get.

After a moment they pulled back, and Dean thanked Benny again, before hefting the weapon in his hand. Benny braced himself, as for a second Dean looked like he was going to do it, but he didn't. Benny could see the tears in Dean’s eyes, and could feel them in his eyes. On some level, Dean too knew this was goodbye, that they would never see each other again.

“Well, come on,” Benny goaded Dean, his throat dry as tears brimmed at the edges of his eyes. “You a wimp?” He could barely even force the words out.

And, as he stood in that graffiti-covered alleyway, about to be beheaded by the love of his life, well, his second life anyway, Benny knew that he didn't mind going back to purgatory forever for Dean. As he felt the machete sever his neck, he felt a sense of peace and calm.

And, as Benny felt the vampires hack and bite away at him, he who had aided the Winchesters, he felt that same sense of peace. Dean would be heartbroken, yes, when he learned the truth, but he’d get over it. In fact, Benny and Sam were even on slightly better terms now, he admitted to himself as he watched the younger Winchester get sucked in to the portal. Hopefully Sam had finally accepted him for what he was. All in all, returning to purgatory a second time and dying at the hands of his brothers and sisters wasn't all that bad.

Because Benny Lafitte knew that the love he felt for Dean Winchester was the sort of love you die for. And he was okay with that.


End file.
